Five Minute Fiction: Three-Eyed Fish

Another week, and it’s time for Five Minute Fiction, hosting weekly by Leah Petersen. This week we had to start entries with the following sentence: It was green and orange and the most frightening thing he’d ever seen.

Admittedly, I read the sentence and blanked out. I’d been writing about carting a dead body around in a car all day. And I was writing from a male POV, so my brain was firmly entrenched in my pants. Well, not my pants…but my character’s pants. Shut up — that’s not as dirty as it sounds. Anyway, what came out is a direct result of thinking with someone else’s penis:

It was green and orange and the most frightening thing he’d ever seen. He scuttled backward, the striping on his dick glowing and whorling.

“What the fuck is that?” John’s wife’s eyes had gone the size of the universe, his glowing penis reflected in her irises.

He looked down and then back up at Abby. “I don’t know! I tried to take a piss and there it was! It was normal this morning.”

“I knew it!” she screamed, never taking her eyes off his crotch. “I knew you were screwing around. This is what happens!” Her arms flailed, taking out the vase his mother had given them for Christmas the year before. “Get out! Take your venereal disease-riddled peen and go back to your whore!”

John’s fingers jerked toward his dick as though to cover it — he wasn’t sure whether out of embarrassment or as a protective gesture — but he couldn’t bring himself to touch it. He whimpered when something purple dripped out of the tip, a splotch coloring the carpet at his feet.

“Wait,” he screeched, retreating when a lamp bounced off his hip. “It’s not another woman!” His voice came out as a whisper that time; he stared at the whirl of color mocking him from below. “I knew I should haven’t have taken that job at the nuclear plant.”

In point of fact: I grew up near a nuclear plant. I credit that with my incredible glow-in-the-dark toenails. I kid, I kid. Well, about the toenails.

Alas, my flash fiction didn’t make it the finals this week, but lots of other great writing did — go check it out!

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